Feeling Powerless?
Hello Dear Ones,
If you’ve been in therapy with me (or even just followed along for a while), you know we’re not about quick fixes—we’re about deep, sustainable healing. But let’s be honest: healing can be exhausting when you feel like you’re constantly reacting to life instead of creating from a grounded, centered place.
One of the most common threads I see in therapy—especially for those of us doing inner healing, navigating trauma, or trying to unhook from perfectionism or shame—is this nagging sense of powerlessness. That feeling of, “No matter what I do, nothing changes,” or “I don’t know how to stop this pattern.”
If any part of you is resonating with that… pause with me here. Let’s breathe. Let’s talk.
There’s a framework that I’ve seen radically shift the healing process for so many of my clients, and I want to share it with you. It’s called locus of control—and when we combine it with parts work and neuroscience, it becomes more than a concept.
It becomes a practice of reclaiming your power, piece by piece.
What Is Locus of Control (and Why Should I Care)?
In simple terms, locus of control is about where you believe control in your life lives.
An external locus means you believe life is mostly happening to you—like other people, systems, or fate are in charge.
An internal locus means you believe your choices and responses shape your life, at least in meaningful ways.
Both are valid. There are systems, traumas, and circumstances outside of your control—that’s real. But in therapy, especially when we’ve experienced disempowerment, we’re doing the sacred work of reclaiming what is ours. Of getting curious about the parts of us that learned we don’t get to choose.
Parts Work Meets Locus of Control
Let me introduce you to some familiar inner voices. You might recognize these parts:
A powerless part that says, “It’s no use. I’ve tried everything.”
A hyper-responsible part that says, “If I just worked harder, this wouldn’t be happening.”
A frozen part that says, “I don’t even know where to begin.”
When these parts take over, they shape our experience of what we believe is possible. And neurologically, this is no small thing—our brain literally maps our sense of agency based on how often we act (or freeze), succeed (or fail), speak up (or shut down).
So what’s the invitation?
We don’t need to bypass these parts—we need to listen to them, honor why they formed, and then gently offer them a different experience. One where they don’t carry the full weight of control, blame, or shame anymore.
A Practice: Reclaiming What’s Yours (Without Carrying What’s Not)
Let’s try something I often use with clients. This is a Locus of Control Parts Practice that blends reflection, parts dialogue, and neuroscience-informed grounding.
1. Center and Connect
Take a moment. Breathe. Drop into your body. Maybe place a hand on your heart or stomach.
Now ask yourself:
“What’s one situation in my life right now where I feel powerless?”
Let that part speak. Don’t fix it yet—just hear it.
2. Parts Check-In
Ask: “What parts of me are activated here?”
You might notice:
A part that’s trying to fix or control.
A younger part that remembers not being heard or protected.
A wise part that’s showing up with compassion.
Name them. Thank them for trying to help.
3. Sort the Circles
Now, draw three circles (or imagine them). Label them:
What’s mine to carry
What’s not mine
What’s shared
Sort the situation into those circles. Be honest. What’s actually yours? What’s truly not? What’s a shared relational or systemic dynamic?
Let your nervous system feel the clarity that comes from that sorting.
4. Choose One Micro-Action
Now ask:
“What is one small choice I can make that aligns with my internal sense of agency?”
Not a fix. Not a massive leap. Just one micro-move.
Examples:
Speak one truth.
Set one boundary.
Tend to one need.
Say “not today” to one inner critic.
Your brain is listening. Each small act of agency re-wires your system to believe, “I can.”
A Gentle Note (for My Over-Responsible Parts)
Before we wrap, let me speak to the perfectionists, the achievers, the therapists-turned-clients, and the “I should know better by now” parts:
Just because something is within your control doesn’t mean it’s all your responsibility. Some things are systemic. Some things are relational. Some things need support, not self-blame.
Reclaiming your locus of control doesn’t mean carrying the weight of the world—it means discerning, with grace and wisdom, what’s yours and what’s not.
You’re Not Powerless. You’re Healing.
And healing takes courage.
It’s not about forcing change—it’s about gently returning to the truth that you are a co-creator in your life. That your voice matters. That your choices, however small, are holy ground.
So to the part of you that feels powerless: I see you. I honor your exhaustion. And I want you to know—there’s another part of you, too. One that’s growing stronger. One that’s learning to trust yourself again.
Let’s keep listening to all of you. And let’s keep practicing the kind of agency that heals from the inside out.
With you,
SC