The Healing Power of Tears:

Why We Should Never Apologize for Crying

There’s a moment I see often in the therapy room: a client begins to cry, they reach for a tissue, and the words tumble out instinctively: “I’m sorry.”

My response is always the same: Please don’t apologize. Your tears are sacred. They are not a problem to fix, but a healing process in motion.

As therapists, as group leaders, as humans sitting beside other humans in pain, we know that something deeply powerful happens when we give ourselves permission to cry — especially in the presence of an empathic listener. Whether it happens in individual therapy, in a Storylines group, or with a close friend, tears have a way of softening our edges and guiding us back to what is most real.

Julia Cameron writes, "Tears are the ink of the soul."

They are not weakness. They are truth rising to the surface. And there is real brain science to support why we feel lighter, clearer, more grounded after we cry and share what we're holding inside.

The Neuroscience of Crying and Connection

Crying is a physiological process that activates the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of your body designed to bring calm, rest, and recovery. Emotional tears (the kind that come with grief, frustration, relief, or joy) release stress hormones like cortisol and trigger the production of oxytocin and endorphins. These are the brain's natural soothing chemicals, designed to help us regulate after intense emotional states.

Empathy activates the vagus nerve via the parasympathetic system, slowing our heart rate and reducing arousal. This is an amazing design.

But there’s more: when we cry in the presence of someone empathic, the healing deepens. Human beings are wired for co-regulation. That means our nervous systems literally sync with safe others. When we share our emotions and are met with warmth, eye contact, and attunement, our amygdala (the brain’s alarm center) begins to calm. Our prefrontal cortex (responsible for meaning-making and reflection) re-engages.

In short: when someone sees us and stays with us, our body and brain receive the message, "You are safe now. You don't have to hold this alone."

Why Group Work Can Be Especially Healing

In our Storylines groups at Bungalow Counseling and our Story Groups at ProvidenciaWPB, I’ve seen firsthand how powerful it is to be witnessed in your tears by others who are doing their own soul work. Others who can hold tender and spacious space for emotions to be released and not fixed, shamed, or shooed away. There’s a unique alchemy that happens when people tell the truth about their stories and are met with nods, soft smiles, their own tears, or a quiet "me too."

We often fear that our vulnerability will create distance. But more often than not, it forges connection. It reminds us that we’re not the only ones carrying heartache, gried, longing or shame. In group work, tears become a shared language — a wordless expression of the beauty and ache of being human.

Never Apologize for Your Tears

So if you find yourself crying in therapy, in a group, with a partner or friend — try not to apologize. Try to trust that your body knows what it needs.

As our queen, researcher, and storyteller Brené Brown has said, "What we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human."

Your tears are human. They are holy. They are healing.

And whether it's in a therapist's office, in a circle of brave storytellers, or in the arms of someone you trust, let yourself cry.
Let the tears come. Your body is doing sacred work.

We're here for that work. You don't have to do it alone.

Very Truly,

Sarah Claire Colling, LMHC-QS
Bungalow Counseling