Who’s Driving?

by Sarah Claire Colling, LMHC-QS

There’s a little visualization I often use with clients when we talk about anxiety, panic, or control….

Imagine you’re in a car — maybe a VW van… retro, cozy, beachside, sand on the floorboards…this is the image I use when I practice this visualization.

So choose your own vehicle… something that feels like you.

Now imagine when a part of you starts to take over… maybe the panic part — that fearful, overprotective voice —or a self critical part— a control part— a people pleasing part— an avoid and numb part- notice that sometimes these parts of us want to drive.

She’s loud. She’s intense. She’s convinced she’s the only one who can keep you safe.
And in that old dynamic, your truest self — the grounded, wise, compassionate part of you — was somewhere else in the car.
Maybe smaller. Maybe quiet. Maybe just trying to hang on.

But something’s shifting.
Over time, you’ve started to get to know that panic part. You’ve realized she’s not bad — she’s scared. She’s been working overtime to keep you safe. And now, because you’ve taken time to listen, to care, to build trust with her… she’s ready to move to the passenger seat.

Now you’re in the driver’s seat.
You — the most wise, expansive, compassionate, confident, healthy version of yourself.
The one who can actually see the road, has a drivers license, can hold the wheel, and make choices from clarity instead of fear.

And the best part?
That anxious, controlling, protective part is still there — she just doesn’t have to drive anymore.
When she starts to get loud or worried, you can glance over and say:

“Hey, thank you for trying to help me. I see you. You don’t have to steer — I’ve got us.”

That’s what Self-leadership looks like. It’s not getting rid of our parts; it’s learning how to be in relationship with them.

The Gentle “Hey”

Lately, I’ve been noticing how much power there is in the tone of our inner voice.

There was a time when that same anxious voice inside might’ve sent us into a spiral — panic, shame, all the “what ifs.”

But now, something softer is emerging.

Instead of yelling at ourselves, we get to say:

“Hey.”

Not in a harsh, “What’s wrong with you?” kind of way.
But a gentle, grounded, “Hey, I see you. We’re okay.”

That small shift — from judgment to curiosity, from shame to gentleness — is everything.

It’s the difference between letting our fear drive the bus and choosing to drive it yourself.
It’s the voice of Self — calm, confident, compassionate, connected.

The Neuroscience of “Who’s Driving”

What’s actually happening here, underneath this metaphor, is something powerful and measurable.

When you pause and visualize yourself in the driver’s seat, you’re engaging regions of the brain responsible for metacognition and self-regulation — primarily the medial prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain helps you observe your inner experience rather than be swept up by it.

In moments of panic or shame, the amygdala — your threat detection center — can hijack the system. The body floods with stress hormones, and the panic part quite literally “takes the wheel.” But when you practice turning toward that part with curiosity (“Hey, I see you”) instead of fear or resistance, the prefrontal cortex re-engages. This re-connection activates the vagus nerve, slows heart rate, and releases calming neurochemicals like GABA and oxytocin.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, this is called unblending — the process of separating the Self (the calm, compassionate observer) from the parts (the emotional states that carry pain or protective energy).

Each time you visualize yourself in the driver’s seat, you’re strengthening neural pathways that make it easier to stay regulated, compassionate, and present — even when an old part gets loud.

It’s not just imagination; it’s neuroplasticity in action.

You are literally rewiring your brain for safety, curiosity, and compassion.

Try This

Next time that anxious, controlling, or shameful voice speaks up, take a breath and picture that part sitting beside you.
Then say, gently:

“Hey. Thanks for trying to help. I’ve got us.”

Notice what changes when your inner tone softens.
That’s healing. That’s leadership. That’s you, coming home to yourself.