Don’t Ignore the Check Engine Light: How Therapy Can Save Your Relationship
🚦 When the “Check Engine” Light Comes On in Your Relationship
We all know that moment: you’re driving along, maybe running late, maybe just trying to get through the day—and suddenly, that little orange check engine light flicks on.
Some of us keep driving and hope it magically disappears (denial can be comforting for a little while). Others feel the anxiety rising in our chest, wondering how bad it is or how much it will cost to fix. And then there are those who—wisely—see the light as an invitation to pay attention. They know it’s the car’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s off. Don’t ignore me. I need some care.”
Here’s the truth: our relationships are the same way.
Relationships Need Maintenance Too
No relationship—no matter how healthy—runs on autopilot. Just like a car, relationships need regular care, tune-ups, and attention to keep them running smoothly. When something feels “off” in your connection, it doesn’t mean your relationship has failed. It means the check engine light is on. It’s a sign of life, a signal that your relationship is trying to get your attention.
Unfortunately, many couples wait until things have broken down completely before seeking help. They drive for miles with the light blinking, hoping it will go away. By the time they show up in therapy, the engine is smoking.
But what if you didn’t have to wait until your relationship was in crisis? What if counseling could be like a regular tune-up—helping you prevent major breakdowns and strengthening the foundation of your partnership before problems pile up?
Why Counseling Matters
Couples counseling isn’t about assigning blame or proving who’s “right” and who’s “wrong.” At its heart, it’s about learning how to repair, reconnect, and thrive together.
Here’s what research tells us:
Conflict is inevitable. The difference between couples who thrive and couples who struggle isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s how they handle it.
Disconnection is dangerous. When partners stop turning toward each other, loneliness sets in—even inside the relationship. That loneliness is one of the greatest predictors of relationship distress.
Repair is possible. With guidance, couples can learn to listen with empathy, speak with honesty, and navigate their differences in ways that actually strengthen the bond rather than erode it.
Therapy provides the tools, perspective, and safe space needed to help couples repair old patterns, address underlying wounds, and build something even stronger than before.
Signs Your Relationship’s “Check Engine Light” Is On
You feel more like roommates than partners.
Small disagreements quickly spiral into big fights.
You’re avoiding hard conversations, walking on eggshells, or holding resentment.
Affection, intimacy, or laughter feel distant or missing.
You or your partner feel unseen, unheard, or misunderstood.
You’re spending more time disconnected than connected.
If any of these resonate, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It simply means the check engine light is on—and it may be time to bring your relationship into the “shop” for care and repair.
Encouragement for the Journey
Choosing to go to counseling doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you care enough about your relationship to tend to it. It’s one of the bravest and wisest choices you can make, because it says: this relationship matters to me, and I want to give it the best chance to grow.
At Bungalow Counseling, we believe that your relationship health matters. You don’t have to stay stagnant in a shut-down, disconnected place. With guidance, compassion, and tools for connection, real change is possible.
I’ll leave you with the words of Esther Perel, who says it best:
“The quality of our life is determined by the quality of our relationships.”
Let’s not ignore the check engine light. Your relationship deserves attention, care, and hope. Connection is possible. 💚